For the Triathlete Who Has Everything (Part 2)

Posted: December 7, 2011 in In Transition
Tags: ,

Just in case the original round of gift ideas weren’t to your liking don’t fret, as there’s plenty more where they came from.  Truly, the Skymall catalogue is literally spewing forth with holiday awesomeness for your special wannabe triathlete.  There’s simply no reason to be ill-prepared, ill-equipped or ill-advised in the coming 2012 race season.  With that in mind, here are some more amazing Christmas ideas for your generous consideration.

Who needs spin bikes?

No time to fit in that extra bike ride?  Always calling in a minute late to reserve a bike for the evening spin class?  No problem!  Now, you can enjoy a little ‘pedal therapy’ wherever you are with this handy-dandy ‘Deluxe Exerciser’.  Whether you’re pedaling away underneath your desk while you take your conference calls at work, or sitting down in your favourite Laz-E Boy watching ‘Mantracker’  on the boob tube, you can still be squeezing in that much needed workout. This brilliant gizmo provides a “convenient and comfortable alternative for upper and lower body exercises.  Make yourself comfortable and improve circulation, muscle strength, joint range-of-motion and coordination.”  Yup, this little baby does it all!  And weighing in at only 16 lbs, you can practically bring it with you anywhere and, Presto!, no more hassle of affixing and loading your bike on the car for weekend getaways…just throw this in the back seat and be off.  Easy!

Because compression wear is cool!

Skymall is not one to miss out on any popular trends, either. Therefore, you can also find Sigvaris Athletic Recovery Compression Socks’  conveniently located within its catalogue pages as well.  Booyah!  What triathlete doesn’t need more compression wear, right?  Well, while picking out the perfect triathlon accessory, why not add some compression socks as stocking stuffers?  Besides, look at these mamma-jamma’s, they’ve even got those enhanced toe and heel seams that make them look more like a sport sock than some hoity-toity compression sock.  That’s hip!  So while you’re enhancing your performance and speeding up your recovery after a strenuous workout, you’re also looking totally bad ass.  And, THAT, my friends, is priceless!

Funk be gone!

Now, I don’t want to give too much away about myself here, but let’s just say that when I get home after a long run and take my shoes off, the cats inevitably beat it into hiding for an hour or so.  Yeah, you get the picture.  But no more!  Once again, Skymall has the answer with the new hi-tech ‘ShUVee’ (get it) Shoe Deodorizer’.  Yup, this puppy is the ultimate shoe sanitizing machine.  It uses the same effective ultraviolet light technology that hospitals use to sanitize their gear and is effective in killing up to 95% of germs.  The UV light goes after the bacteria that causes bad odor and itchiness to people who are unknowingly breeding these germs in their shoes.  So, just turn it on, plug your shoe in, and leave it for an hour.  It has an integrated sensor which activates with weight. For your wider shoes, it actually expands to accommodate the added width.  By why stop there?  Why not use it on your funky tights, yoga wear or, heavens forbid, your gym shorts.  Your cats will thank you.

A little lower, please.

Lord knows that one of the signs of any hard workout is overall muscle fatigue.  And, unless you’re an extremely lucky bastard like myself, you probably don’t have immediate access to a massage therapist to help you work out the kinks.  And let’s face it, unless you’re independently wealthy, or lucky enough to have a fantastic insurance plan through work, massage can equal pretty big bucks.  Never fear!  Why not consider massaging all those sore muscles, especially those in hard-to-reach areas, with the amazing ‘Epiphany Massager’.  Look at this thing!  Its patented curved design, delivers 5,000 RPM’s of deep, invigorating therapeutic relief to all those impossible-to-massage places; and the best part?  You’re practically getting a complete upper body workout just maneuvering this enormous thing in place.  Talk about killing two birds with one stone!  Winning.

Serenity now!

And while you’re at it, why not compliment it with the ‘Head and Eye Massager’ as well?  How perfect is that?  Complete with acupressure and heat compression capabilities, this gizmo delivers “all the relaxing benefits of a professional head massage without the cost or the appointment.”  Its precisely positioned airbags soothingly squeeze and vibrate to melt away the aches and stresses of even your heaviest mileage week.  Goodbye headaches, stiff neck and fatigue!  Special massage nodes dedicated to the temple area relieve tension, while high frequency magnetic fields stimulate pressure points to encourage vigor and mental clarity.  How could it not?  This thing looks like that thing that Luke Skywalker used to fine tune his Jedi skills aboard the Millennium Falcon, and you know how deadly focused Jedi’s are.  Imagine having that edge come race day!

“Come sail away…”

One of the beautiful thing about triathlon, is that it’s constantly evolving to provide alternative solutions for those with back problems, knee problems, can’t swim, or what have you; hence the ‘Aquathon’, ‘Duathlon’, and ‘Aquabike’ events commonly available now at most tri-weekends.  Why stop there?  Why not start a new craze altogether with the new Large Universal Skate Sail’?  How much fun does this look?  Forget mountain biking, rollerblading or racquet sports in the off season, just hook up this beauty to your skates, snowboards and skateboards and “speed your way to fun, exercise and fitness!”

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