You Know You’re a Triathlete When…

Posted: April 18, 2012 in Lifestyle

As I’m already into my fourth, and what promised to be my most significant season yet, I have learned that the sport of triathlon is not so much a hobby or an interest as it is a total lifestyle overhaul.  Speaking for myself, the last three years that I’ve dedicated to this sport were not so much a total renovation on my life as they were a complete teardown.  Simply put:  I’m not the same guy I was when I started, or even the same guy I was last year.  I continue to grow, to develop, to learn, and get better.  Hell, I’m like the ‘Six Million Dollar Man’…just a bit chubbier.  Oh, and I don’t wear red jump suits.

Be all that as it may, it occurred to me that I view life very different now.  I’ll say it:  triathletes are weirdos.  We have to be.  Why else would we be up at the crack of dawn and burn more calories before we make into the office at 9:00am than most people burn all day; never mind what we do when we get home.  So how do you know if you’ve successfully made this cross over to become a dedicated triathlete?

Well, here are 30 typical signs that might suggest there’s no turning back now.

  1. You don’t giggle anymore when someone uses the word ‘Fartlek’.
  2. You can plow through a whopping plate of pancakes and sausage and go back for seconds with a clear conscience.
  3. Popping blisters is as every much part of the morning ritual as pooping and brushing your teeth.
  4. You don’t mind your spinach in liquid form.
  5. When someone yells ‘Go long!’,  you’re gone for hours.
  6. Your cologne of choice is chlorine.
  7. You consider Clif bars as a legitimate food group.
  8. At any given moment you know exactly where your heart rate monitor and your swim goggles are, but cannot remember where you left your car keys.
  9. You consider ‘bonking’ a bad thing.
  10. Whenever you’re handed a cup of water, you have to immediately resist the urge to pour it over your head.
  11. Your apartment and work place is littered with half full water bottles
  12. You time yourself each time you put on your shoes and socks to go outside.
  13. Your bike costs more than your car.
  14. You shout “on your left”  when passing people in the aisles at the grocery store.
  15. You have more pairs of shoes than Imelda Marcos.
  16. You wait a couple of days to take your car in when the “check engine light”  goes on, but when your bike needs a tune up you take it right away.
  17. Your annual energy expenditure is comparable to that output by a small electricity generation plant.
  18. The owner of the local shoe shop runs his hands together when you walk in the door.  No, he isn’t glad to see you, he’s thinking that this may well be the day your yearly expenditure in the shop tops the US GDP.
  19. Your workmates have given up asking “what are you up to this weekend?”  knowing that the reply will always be the same, ie. “training”. The only variation is “racing”.
  20. You take most of your showers at the gym and you keep extra soap, and deodorant there.
  21. You haven’t bought work clothes in years, yet you own bike shorts and running tops made by every manufacturer under the sun.
  22. You use the words “only”  and “10k”  in the same sentence.
  23. IM no longer refers to ‘instant message’.
  24. You have a swim cap to accessorize with every possible tri suit on the market.
  25. When you can’t conceive of sight-seeing unless it’s from the saddle of your bike.
  26. Whenever you cut yourself shaving, you bleed chocolate milk.
  27. When you’re asked for your age, you typically respond with your age category (35-39) instead.
  28. You take your resting heart rate (RHT) first thing in the morning, even before you take a dump.
  29. After a long workout, you bring your recovery drink into the shower or while sitting on the toilet afterwards.
  30. You spend more on a pair of sunglasses than you make in a month.
  1. Kelly says:

    who are you kidding about being up at the crack of dawn every day for training ??? Last time I checked, you grudgingly get up Tues-Thur-Sun for your morning swims but would prefer to sleep in til 0900 !

    The rest of the post though, yes, 98% of it is closer to true !

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