The Mystery of the Lost Workout Baggie

Posted: May 17, 2014 in Swim
Tags: , ,

When I swim, I typically keep my workouts in a little zip lock baggie that I then stick it to the lane marker – as many swimmers do no doubt.  It’s hardly an innovative idea as far as swimmers go, believe me.  So, anyway, this baggie then contains approximately 2 to 3 months worth of workouts as I tend to just leave them in the baggie afterwards for possible future use.  I never do, mind you, but they’re there just in case and it’s comforting in a strange kind of way.  If I ever get stuck for a workout, BAM!, I’ll just pull one of these bad boys out and I’m all set.  Knowing is half the battle I guess.

Anyway, last week I was using one of these workouts from this particular baggie in the usual fashion except that I absent-mindedly left it affixed to the lane marker when I left.  Oops.  No huge loss mind you, except that I’m a creature of habit as well as being a bit of a hoarder so I won’t deny that I was a bit bummed.  So this morning when I arrived at the pool I inquired with the lifeguard on duty (a nice enough guy) as to whether someone had thought enough to rescue it for me.  I didn’t hold out much hope though, of course, as the typical lifeguard at the pool I train at has all the proactive common sense of a blowfish but, hey, it’s worth a shot right?

I could never have anticipated the response I got.

I didn’t really expect much other than maybe a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders or a blank stare, but the lifeguard I asked this morning seemed really concerned for my baggie…I mean, like, really concerned.  You’d think I lost my lost my family jewels or something.  Did I exaggerate the situation a little bit?  Maybe; it’s quite possible.  Like I said, I can become attached to pretty stupid things.  Maybe I seemed overly upset and he was reacting to that or perhaps he had one too many cups of coffee by that point.  Maybe he just had a profound sense of empathy – I’m not really sure – but he seemed extremely concerned about my little baggie of swim workouts.  Bless him.

“Oh no! That’s terrible”, he said.

“Yeah, well, it’s no big deal”, I replied. “Honestly”.

“No, no, that sucks”, he continued earnestly.

Seriously, it’s a baggie dude; just a simple disposable zip lock baggie.  No reason for concern or panic.  This isn’t a Scooby-Doo mystery, just carry on about your business…nothing more to see here.  Seriously.

But either he just couldn’t, or wouldn’t let it go.  I’m not sure which.  He seemed genuinely upset about it; more so then was ever needed or necessary.  I just wanted to let the whole thing drop and get back to my workout and I was kind of regretting having ever said anything in the first place.

“It’s nothing I can’t replace.  Seriously, no big whoop”, I answered.

“Are you sure?”  he pressed. “It seems pretty important”.

“No, not at all”, I reassured him.

“Is it valuable?”  he pressed.

Okay, this was beginning to get a little weird.

“Umm, no? It’s just a disposable baggie.  Really…”

“But it had all your workouts in it. What will you do now?”

I was stymied.

“I’ll just start collecting them again probably”, I suggested.

He gave a look of complete remorse.  You’d think I had just put down a family member or something.

But he wasn’t about to give up just yet.  Oh no!  He proceeded to leave me to continue with my swim while he literally tore the entire pool area and lifeguard’s station apart looking for it, leaving no kick board or life jacket unturned.  It was kind of amusing that he just wasn’t going to let it go.

Obsessive-compulsive much?

The whole exchange was beginning to remind me of the scene in Pulp Fiction where the Christopher Walken character, Capt. Koons, addresses the young Butch about his father’s watch…only, here, with a zip lock baggie instead.


Eventually he returned from his foraging looking completely defeated and apologetic.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t find it anywhere”, he confessed. “I’d hate to think that someone just threw it away”.

“Really, it’s okay.  I’ll manage without it.”

“Maybe somebody turned it into the Lost & Found!”  he exclaimed hopefully and before I could reply again, POOF!, he disappeared again.

By this time, while being a little amused, I was also a little worried that whoever else he might be also inquiring with about my baggie might – quite logically I might add – assume that I was being a tad bit obsessive (or just a complete dick) over something so inconsequential when, in fact, I didn’t really give two shits one way or the other but, hey, whatever makes you happy bud.  So while he ran off again I went back to my sprint intervals.

Eventually he reappeared at the end of my lane, again looking disappointed.

“Dude, I’m sorry. They figure the janitor has probably tossed it out.”

Sure, blame the janitor.  More than likely whoever was working the front desk just didn’t give a shit and simply offered this as an explanation to appease me.  Who would blame them?  However, by now I figured I also had to play along with it if I was ever going to get him to give up his quest and not feel rejected, so I mimicked his disappointment, shrugged my shoulders and told him it was okay and thanks for looking.

“Easy come easy go”, I offered. “I really appreciate you looking though.”

“No problem, dude.  I’ll keep my eyes open though…just in case.”

“Okay, you do that.”

I have to say – all things aside – I like this guy.  It’s not often I get a lifeguard who is completely engaging this early in the morning, much less empathetic, and then goes above and beyond the call of duty to make me happy.  Well done, buddy!

You’re totally bat shit crazy but I love ya!


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