Country Lovin’

Posted: June 5, 2014 in Bike, In Transition
Tags: , ,

I’ve already discussed in past posts the differences of training in the country versus training in city centers; basically, its apples and oranges. For me, I love training in a more rural area. Despite some of the unique hazards you sometimes run into, there is definitely some perks too in the way of more room to roam, less traffic to worry about (usually), better scenery, fresher air, shit, I could go on and on. However, adding to this list of positives, there are sometimes, well, let’s say ‘odd’ moments that you would only expect to encounter in the country and I had one such experience while out on Daisy last week.

I try to maintain a training schedule that gets me out 3 – 4 times a week; 1 long ride, 1 tempo (time trial), 1 hill or interval session, and 1 easy ride strictly for shits n’ giggles. It’s on these easy ‘fun’ rides that I usually leave the house with no preconceived plan and simply go out to explore. I am usually pretty good for finds one or two new (to me) roads to journey on a week. Sometimes they end up in a dead end or lead me into the middle of nowhere, and sometimes they yield some really breathtaking sites or serene moment of tranquility that simply makes me glad to be alive. Sometimes I even bring my camera (although I forgot it at home on this particular day) to try and capture these moments as best I can and you can find random posts on this blog where I’ve done just that. It’s these moments that I live for and that make all the hard work and effort I endure during my other workouts all worth it.

Anyway, I was out exploring last week along some road in deepest, darkest Stevensville when up ahead I notice a few cars that had slowed down to gawk at something off the side of the road. Each car would approach, slow down, stop, and apparently have a good gander at something before speeding off again on their merry way. Remember, this was still a good kilometer or two off in the distance and when one sees things like that, it tends to pique your curiosity; at least mine does anyway.

So while I’m approaching I see a few more cars do the same routine: slow down, glare off to the opposite side of the road, before carrying on carrying on. As I get closer, I’m definitely curious what everyone is finding so interesting. Hey, it’s the country…it could be absolutely anything! But as I get a little closer I start to make out a small, scruffy, indistinguishable lump half concealed in the bushes by the left hand side of the road…and, whatever it is, it’s moving, so it’s definitely alive!

I can’t really make out what it is at this point, so I approach cautiously as the last car has now driven off and I’m quite alone. I think I can make out a leg or two, a tail maybe? I can’t make out a head though and its (body?) is still half hidden in the bushes. Whatever it is, it’s definitely nothing that I can immediately identify. In fact, I can’t even guess what this thing is yet, but whatever it is, it has definitely attracted the attention of everyone else that has passed by and seen it so it has to be, well, interesting at least.

Maybe it’s some kind of deer, a mutant, a Sasquatch, or maybe it’s just one really big ass dog, who knows? As I make my final approach, I slow down a bit as I’m definitely curious enough to check this thing out, whatever it is, but I also have to be ready to sprint off if it’s something that has a similar, yet more aggressive, interest in me…as sometimes happens while traveling country roads (click HERE).

As I get within a few meters I’m still baffled as to what this shaggy, brown lump is. I can make out a horn, or two (I think), and I can definitely see more than four legs now, but there is still no real discernable face or head to give this things identify away. Plus, it’s making this ungodly noise. I’m completely baffled and I begin to think this is some kind of genetic freak, or something that’s been badly injured and is lying there suffering so I come to stop until I can figure out what it is and whether anything needs to be done about it. I mean, I could have kept riding but what’s the fun in that? I absentmindedly had a sip from my water bottle (as you do) while I contemplated what this ‘thing’ is and what my next course of action needs to be.

Then, finally, I get a glimpse of…a head…then two heads…and then the full scope of what I’m looking at dawns on me: it’s two goats engaged in one heated bout of coitus. Their rear ends which are fused together at the genitals are exposed along the soft shoulder of the road while their heads have been obscured by the brush growing out of the roadside ditch. They’re clearly enjoying themselves given the racket they’re making. Then one looks up at me quizzically, bleats as if to say ‘what are you looking at pervert?’, before returning to the business at hand.

Fabulous! I’ve stopped for two goats fucking. I had to giggle a bit.

Now here’s the real funny part, at this exact moment of realization, another car has now approached from the opposite direction and seeing me stopped to observe some weird object by the roadside – I’m sure it must have been as indistinguishable to them as it was for me at a distance – and also slows down to stop and take a look.

Except, when they finally make out what it was, they clearly did not find it even as mildly amusing I did as a look of complete revulsion came over the both passengers faces…and then that look of revulsion was cast squarely at me.

I can only image what went through their minds at this point. Here is this cyclist, in the middle of nowhere, stopped in the middle of the road and enjoying a drink while watching goats fuck.

Yup, I’m that guy.

In their minds, this is me:

“Hey, y’all’…I sure do likes goats”

…only in spandex.

You could almost hear the banjos playing in the distance (like THIS).

So the car passengers share a quick word amongst themselves which probably went something like this:

Is this guy really stopped to watch goats screw?

Yes, dear. I think so…the poor sick bastard.

Well let’s go, honey, before he decides to kidnap us and turn our faces into wind chimes.

More than likely their imaginations were running wild with images from Deliverance (click HERE), so they both give me a sad head shake while giving me their best ‘sick bastard’ glare before speeding off again (obviously in a hurry to put as much distance between me and them as quick as humanely possible) and I’m left once again with the humping livestock. Goodie.

Definitely not one of my finer moments.


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