Bike riding is fun. Sure, there are definitely some not so fun parts like when you’re going up a steep ass hill that never seems to end or when trying to maintain that tempo pace into a strong headwind but, hey, life is seldom an unbroken boulevard of green lights so what can you do? You suck it up and get ‘er done.
But for the most part, riding is fun.
One of the cool perks of getting out and about on your bike is the ability to explore your neighborhood on a grander scale than you’d be able to while, say, running. Not that you can’t explore while running but on a bike you can go further and if newly taken route should end up in a dead end, it’s not so aggravating in that you have to hike it all the way back again on foot. This is my theory anyway as I’m sure others will wholeheartedly agree with me.
To this regard, I am also lucky in that I have a lot of room to roam and therefore, explore. In my immediate area we have a plethora of battle grounds, historic forts, old barns and silos, century old (and even older) stone homes, and more country roads and fire lanes than you could shake a stick at. Sometimes it’s a total bust or, worse yet, you find yourself cornered by dogs (click HERE), but other times you find something really neat that you never knew existed or something that makes you go “what the fuck?” as was the case HERE.
Similarly, this was the same kind of scenario about a year or two ago when I came across this at the end of a dead end:
It’s exactly what it looks like…a stupid big rock…suspended by wire…from a fence pole.
That’s weird, right?
Let me try to put it in better perspective for you on how incredibly stupid huge this thing is.
Here it is with my step daughter standing next to it:
That’s pretty big, right?
And, believe me, this child is no midget so it sure ain’t no little casting stone.
Here it is again with a rubber duck:
Don’t ask me why I happened to have a rubber duck. I just did.
So, like I was telling you: it’s fucking BIG!
It easily has to be a ton or more.
I remember the exact moment I first spotted it from the road as I whizzed past. I was riding down to what would eventually turn into a dead end along Silver Bay Rd., here:
And I was all like:
So much so, that I had to circle back and check it out to make sure that what had initially registered in my head was actually true.
I must have then spent a good 15 minutes ogling at this monstrosity trying to make sense of it. Questions immediately began to flood my brain at an incredible rate. It was like my little lizard brain was trying to instantly run about a zillion mental computations about what on earth could have transpired to result in this huge ass rock to end up hanging precariously from a wooden fence pole in the middle of nowhere bit in each and every model I considered either the world or my brain blew up.
Anyway, just for shits n’ giggles, let me run a few of the more obvious queries I have about such a random curiosity.
- WHY is it there?
I mean, seriously, why?
What possible purpose could this thing be serving? Is it the remnant from some ancient Sherkston Stonehenge-like rock formation? What is some kind of marker or milestone for pilgrims on their way to the local trailer park?
I just don’t get it.
Is it supporting something in particular? But even then, that be a bit over kill, wouldn’t it? Like getting the Hulk to open your pickle jar.
- WHO put it there?
Was it Heracles? Aliens?
I inquired with the owner of the house whose property this thing rests when they were out cutting their lawn once and they told me that it was already there when they purchased their home years ago. This gets me to wondering then, who in their right mind would ever want to hang a rock from a fence post anyway? Surely this is not the work of some fancy-pants Ritchie Rich type (of whom there are many in the area), whose name suggests they probably own a yacht, wears only cashmere sweaters and owns a Zurich-based truffle conglomerate.
This is the handy work of a real dedicated working man for sure, which brings me to my last question:
- HOW did they get it there?
Nobody – and I mean nobody – was ever going to simply lift huge ass thing up there by themselves, that’s for damn sure! So, even if we did know what purpose it was supposed to serve, how on God’s green earth did they ever manage to get that fucking thing up there? It’s not like it’s just come to be hanging there accidentally like some discarded orange rind.
Somebody wanted it there and made significant efforts to get it there.
So how in the fuck did they do that?
Did they use a tow motor, Bobcat, medieval lynch and pulley system, or was it achieved through some other lost method of moving around large ass rocks only know to prehistoric druids?
And when they got it up, how did they hold it there long enough so they could wrap enough wire around it to keep it suspended? It completely baffles the mind.
In my mind this huge ass rock on Silver Bay Rd. is right up there with the Great Pyramids and Stonehenge as far as Wonders of the World go.